It’s Not Them. It’s You.
How often have you said the following?
- If I get that job, my money problems will disappear.
- If I get that promotion, I’ll be better with my money. I swear.
- If my bonus is big enough, I’ll pay off my debt and never build it up again.
If you’ve said anything like this, you’re not alone. Most of us have said these same or similar words. We say them to ourselves. We say them to friends and family. We say them to our higher power of choice and we believe them.
We say them, but when we say them we’re focused on the wrong thing. We look to someone or something else to make our lives what we want them to be. We look externally rather than internally. We make excuses.
What’s the problem with this?
When we look to someone or something else to make our lives what we want them to be, we give up our power. We give up our control and let someone or something else at the steering wheel of our lives. This, then, means we’re not responsible for the outcome. It’s our boss or the company we work for who is responsible for us not making or having enough money.
When we think this way, we accept our situation and blame it on others. It’s “their” fault that we can’t pay our bills. It’s “their” fault that we can’t save money. It’s “their” fault that we can’t pay for this emergency. It’s “their” fault that we can’t . . . we can’t . . . we can’t.
Our belief dictates our behavior. Henry Ford is famously quoted as saying, “Whether you think you can or can’t, either way you are right”. What he means is that we’re responsible for creating our reality. Our belief dictates our behavior and creates our world.
Take, for example, scarcity. Studies suggest that people who focus on scarcity act in a way that perpetuates scarcity. Sendhil Mullainathan and Eldar Shafir discuss in their book, Scarcity, how poor farmers in India tend to weed their farms less often than wealthy farmers, thereby producing less abundant crops. Less abundant crops are less profitable.
Mullainathan and Shafir share studies that suggest that the belief, alone, of being poor lowers ones IQ by as much as the loss of a night of sleep. Their studies of Indian farmers show that these farmers score worse on intelligence tests before the harvests when they have little money and better after the harvest when they have more money. By having more money, their performance on intelligence tests improves. Obviously, simply having more money doesn’t make one more intelligent.
What these studies demonstrate is the power of the mind. Someone who believes that it’s someone else’s fault that they don’t have enough money makes decisions that perpetuate this belief. They won’t create a budget; therefore they never have enough money. They’ll continue to use credit cards when they know they shouldn’t and stay in debt. They’ll waste financial opportunities because they won’t see them, and then wonder why they can’t get a break. They’ll make poor financial decisions and blame someone else, deferring responsibility. By changing our mindset and taking responsibility for our situation, we can change the outcome.
Stephen Covey said that between a stimulus and a response is a space and in that space we make a decision. If we make the decision to change our response, we change the outcome.
How do we change our response and, thereby, change the outcome? It’s not simple. We’ve spent years creating habits and it’ll take much effort to change those habits. It’s possible, though. Here are four steps to doing so:
Make a Plan
Just because we’ve decided to change our response to the stimulus doesn’t eliminate the stimulus. Therefore, we must have a plan. We must consider the financial decisions we’ll be confronted with and plan better responses.
For example, when planning for payday, rather than spending our money before paying our bills, we’ll plan on paying our bills first. When payday rolls around, we’ll do just that. This way, we’re not short on cash when a bill comes due.
Another example includes not using our credit cards. We’ll plan to no longer use our credit cards, so we create a budget, cut up our credit cards and live below our means.
Visualize Our Response
Making a plan is one thing. Following through with a plan is another. If we haven’t been successful with plans before, how will this time be better? We’ll imagine scenarios we’ve encountered and visualize better responses. When these scenarios occur in real life, we’ll respond accordingly.
The most successful athletes, no matter how talented they are or how much they practice, visualize their performance. We see glimpses of this during the Olympics. We see athlete sitting in a chair or lying on the ground with their eyes closed, while their arms and legs go through the motions of their sport. They’re visualizing their performance. This visualization influences their behavior. In order to change our behavior, we must do the same thing
We must visualize not applying for a credit card when we receive a promotion in the mail. We must imagine preparing lunches at home rather than eating out every day. We must visualize automatic payments into our emergency savings account with every paycheck.
Practice Gratitude
It’s not enough to visualize better responses to stimuli; we must change our perception of our current situation. By this, we mean adopting an attitude of gratitude. We’ve all heard the metaphysical quotes:
- What we focus on expands.
- Energy flows where attention goes.
Just like the Indian farmers, if we focus on not having enough, we’ll continue to exercise habits that perpetuate that state of being. We can change our current situation only by changing our perception of our current situation. Rather than being upset that we don’t have enough, we must be thankful that we have enough. Oprah Winfrey said, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”
The best way to adopt an attitude of gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal. By daily writing down what you’re grateful for in life, as Oprah Winfrey says, you’ll have more. You’ll stop living in a world of scarcity and live in a world of abundance.
Get Support
Finally, create a support system. Even having one friend or family member to act as your cheering squad will be immensely helpful. You’re human. Undoubtedly, you’ll make mistakes. There will be times when you’ll think “it’s too hard”. If you have someone in your life to listen to you and provide you support, you’ll overcome these moments of doubt.
For example, when you unconsciously go to the mall and buy clothing you can’t afford, you’ll likely regret it afterwards. Internally, you’ll know this kind of behavior isn’t in your best interest. This is why you’ll have buyer’s remorse. The person or persons acting as your support will be there to listen to you. They’ll be there to talk it out. They’ll be there to help you come to a solution to correct your mistake.
No one does it alone. This is why there are cheerleaders and coaches. Peyton Manning is one of the best quarterbacks in history and he has a coach. Why does someone with as much talent and intuition as Manning need a coach? He needs a coach because he needs to talk through his thought process in order to improve. He needs someone to point out his mistakes. He needs to bounce ideas off someone. He needs someone who can provide an outside perspective. You, too, will need this support if you’re going to change your habits and, thereby, change your outcome.
By practicing these four steps, you’ll change how you view your situation, which will change your behavior, and then change your outcome. Changing yourself is much easier than changing someone else who may never change at all.
This is why your money problems will disappear when you stop believing you have money problems and you adopt behaviors to make your money problems disappear. This is why you’ll be better with your money when you believe you are good with managing money and you start behaving better with money. This is why you’ll pay off your debt when you believe that you can pay off your debt and you start taking steps to do so.
This is why it’s not them. It’s you.
If you enjoyed this article, you may also enjoy “Will a Little Competition Save Your Budget?” and “The Myth of Debt Sustainability and Education”. For additional articles and financial commentary from us, please visit www.debtfreeguys.com.
Bio
David Auten was born in Landstuhl, Germany to an American military family and grew up in Denver, CO, where he still resides. He has seventeen years of experience in financial services working in mutual fund and institutional investing. He holds a degree in International Business.
John R. Schneider, III is from Philadelphia, PA and moved to Denver, CO in 1999 where he lives today. He has thirteen years of experience in financial services in both retail and institutional investing. He holds a Masters of Business Administration.
Together they paid off over $51,000 worth of credit card debt in less than two and half years. Using their education, professional and personal experiences they share what is necessary for anyone seeking financial independence in their upcoming book 4: The Four Principles of a Debt Free Life.
No comments:
Post a Comment